We all believe that the smartphones and the Internet, the e-mails can help us connect with each other. But communication has become more difficult even with these electronic devices.
Even if we hear the news several times a day, even if we communicate with each others several times a day, that does not mean that real communication is possible.
We still do not understand each other. We still do not understand the suffering and difficulties of others. We still continue to blame on each others.
So, many electronic devices are helping us to get away from ourselves. And do not give us a chance to be with ourselves.
There is suffering, there is fear, anger in ourselves, and you do not have the time and way to handle the suffering inside of us.
We cannot communicate with ourselves. In fact, we are trying to run away from ourselves.
We cannot listen to ourselves. We cannot help ourselves to suffer less. So how can we understand another person and help him or her suffer less even if you have a lot of electronic devices?
So that is why mindfulness is very important. It help us to release the tension in our body. It help us to go home to ourselves without fear in order to recognize the suffering inside. Embrace it and begin to understand it.
Understanding our suffering, we understand the suffering of our father, our mother, our ancestors, our people. And that understanding bring about compassion that has the power to heal, to transform.
And when we get lighter, when we get healed, we can help other people around us to do the same to get the healing and transformation.
And we can do that without any electronic devices.
The power to listen, to understand, and to restore communication and reconcile is possible.
When you understand your own suffering, you reconcile with yourself easily. You reconcile with your father, your mother and your ancestors easily. Because your suffering carries within itself the suffering of your father, mother and ancestors.
And when you understand your suffering, when you have reconciled with yourself, and then its much easier to understand the suffering of the other person of the world and reconcile with them.
When you look at them, you are capable of seeing the suffering in them. They do not have the capacity to handle the suffering. They continue to suffer.
And that is why they make people around them suffer. Even if the people around them are those they love.
So when you look at them and if you see their suffering, that.. So far there is no one who has helped them to handle the suffering in him or in her.
Suddenly understanding arise in you. And compassion is born in you and you can look at him or her with compassion. You don't suffer anymore.
You want to do something to help that person suffer less. You want to say something to help him or her suffer less. Because you have some amount of compassion within yourself.
And with compassion in your heart, you can talk to him, or to her in such a way that can help him or her suffer less.
You can say, "darling, my friend, I know that you have suffered a lot in the past many years. There is a lot of suffering in you. There is a lot of difficulties in you. And in the past, I have not been able to help you to suffer less. In fact, I have reacted angrily and with stubbornness that make you suffer more. I'm sorry. It's not my intention to make you suffer.
My dear... It's just because I did not see the suffering in you. I did not understand the suffering in you. The difficulties in you. So please darling, help me. Tell me what is in your heart. Tell me about your suffering, your difficulties, so that I will understand. I believe that if I understand your suffering, I will not react the way I have in the past and make you suffer any more. Please help me, tell me what is in your heart.
That kind of speaking we call loving speech. And you can do that if you have compassion in your heart. And compassion is possible when you understand the suffering in that person.
And when you speak like that, the other person will open his heart too.
With the tool of loving speech, you can open the heart of the other person, and she will tell you the suffering, the difficulties in her.
And then you practice deep listening and compassionate listening. And when you listen with compassion, you help the other person suffer less.
One hour of compassionate listening can help someone suffer much less.
And you may be the first person in the world who listen to him or to her. You are a Bodhisattva of deep listening. You are Avalokiteshvara.
And listen with compassion, you have to learn in order to do. When you sit and listen, you have to keep compassion alive in your heart in order to do so.
Because while speaking, the other person may have a lot of bitterness, accusation or blaming and that may touch of the irritation and anger in you and you lose the capacity of listening.
So you have to train yourself for many days.
When you listen to him or to her, you have to practice mindful breathing and remind yourself that the purpose of listening to that person is only to help him or her suffer less.
So even if what the other person say is full of wrong perception, you will not interrupt and correct. Because that will ruin the session.
You tell yourself that 'Well, he is full of wrong perception, full of bitterness and anger, but I am not going to interrupt him. I just listen to help him to suffer less. And several days later, I may provide him or her with some information so that he can correct his perception and not now.".
So breathing in and out and remember that keep your compassion alive and you can listen for one hour or more with compassion that can be very healing.
And according to our experiences, practicing four-five days of mindful breathing and looking into the suffering of yourself and of the other person can already allow you to practice deep listening, compassionate listening and loving speech.
Because we have organized so many retreats in the world. And in every retreat, people learn the art of deep listening and loving speech. And the miracle of reconciliation always happen in our retreats.
On the fifth day, they have to put into the practice the teaching of deep listening and loving speech.
And if the other person is in the retreat, that is easy.
But if the other person is at home, and then you can use your telephone in order to practice loving speech and deep listening.
And in our experiences, many have used their phone and reconciled with their father, with their mother at home after the retreat.
Is very effective. The practice of loving speech and deep listening, and that is the object of the fourth mindfulness training that many of us have received from the sangha.
This is the art of restoring communication. It is the art of reconciling.
And you don't need a lot of electronic devices. You need only your in breath, your out breath, your capacity of looking deeply into your own suffering, into the suffering of the other person. And finally, you need loving speech, tender speech and deep listening, compassionate listening.
And you can transform the whole situation in just a few days.